Ticking Time Bomb
by KleoCullen
Summary: Bella Swan was diagnosed with Leukemia a year ago. Her cancer is growing rapidly and she knows she only has a few more weeks left, before she will die. In that time she tries to make up with 3 loved ones that hate her. One of them is Edward Cullen, her ex-boyfriend who has no clue that the reason Bella broke up with him was her cancer. Will they forgive her before its too late? AH
1. Time doesn't stand still

**A/N: I can truly say that The Fault In Our Stars and My sister's Keeper inspired this story. I don't have much knowledge about cancer and all the medical aspects. I did a lot of research for this one shot and english isn't my first language, so please don't be too hard on me if I write anything wrong. My intentions are not to offend someone who has it, it's simply supposed to be a little story, about Bella having cancer and how she deals with it.**

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_The reason most people give up is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come._

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**Isabella Marie Swan **

To have cancer must be one of the worst things that could happen in life. Not only for the one who has it, but also for the family. You know that you're dying, but at the same time you don't. Doctors will tell you and your family a percent chance to survive. But they can't tell you with certainty. You can always explode and there is no one to blame.

Because that's what we are. Ticking time bombs.

Humanity always tries to find someone to blame. They can't live with the fact that something happens without a reason. And they especially hate it , when they have no control. But that is life. Yes, there are many cancers that you can cure, with treatments or an operation. Though there are still a few left that you can't heal or that grow too fast to heal. Just like mine.

I've been diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia only a year ago, but my cancer was growing so rapidly that the doctors told us, I'll only have a few more weeks (or if I'm lucky month) to live. My parents tried to search for the reason the past few month, no matter how many times I tell them that I don't care about it. I can't undo my cancer. It's here and it won't go away.

I could say I had bad luck, because I have acute leukemia and not the chronic leukemia. Though I don't want to say that. Just because my cancer is much more dangerous that the chronic leukemia, because of it's growing rate, doesn't mean that the people who have chronic leukemia have much better luck than I do. They still have cancer and they still have to fight against it.

They just have a bit more time than I do.

''Bella? Please come down and eat something before we go.'' I heard my mom shouting from downstairs.

''But I told you I'm not hungry, Mom.'' I replied to her as I let myself fall back into bed.

''Please Bella, do it for Mom and Dad. They're only trying to help.'' My sister Meredith sighed from the door. I looked up.

''I know they are Mer. I'm simply not hungry. Why can't they understand that leaving out breakfast for once isn't going to kill me?'' I groaned in frustration. Meredith stepped into the room, closed the door behind her and walked over to me.

''Because they are parents Bells. Their little baby girl is dying and there is nothing they can do to prevent it. All they can do is to take care of you and you won't let them.'' Meredith told me with a calming voice.

I sighed. ''Now thank you for the extreme wave of guilt.''. I wrapped my arms around my pillow and looked up at Meredith, who was sitting next to me.

''Just try to cooperate with them. And I'm sure a breakfast isn't going to kill you either, it will only make them happier.'' Meredith told me.

Meredith is my sister and the eldest of us. Initially my parents only wanted to have one child, which they did at first, but then I and my twin sister came around. They conceived Meredith when they were around 32. She was planned, in comparison to me and my sister. My parents told me that they were never expecting to have another child, but oh well. My mother got pregnant with us when she was 40 and I knew she was blaming herself, because she got us so late. I don't. The doctors already told us that my mother's old age isn't the reason for my cancer. And my twin sister Kathleen shows no signs of cancer. Doctors have actually no clue why I got it.

''Sometimes I really feel as if I have three parents instead of two.'' I mumbled. Meredith let out a small chuckle.

''We're just looking out for you Bells. Try and keep that in mind.'' Meredith said, as she gave me kiss on my forehead.

''I give my best, _mother_.'' I said, smirking at my sister. Meredith rolled her eyes and stood up from the bed.

''Come on, I bet everyone's already waiting downstairs and we don't want them to starve do we?'' Meredith said, streching out a hand for me to take.

''Maybe we do..'' I said, looking at her hand. Meredith let out a frustrated sigh, took my hand and pulled me behind her.

She dragged me behind her down the stairs and even though it hurted a little, I decided not to say anything. Meredith would only start to feel guilty again and I don't want that. All of my family members already feel extremly guilty and all I see are their pitiful looks. Well there is one exception. My sister Kathleen. One she found out about my cancer, she became very distant and cold, which is sad.

''Oh so Queen B finally decided to get out of her comfy bed, huh?'' Kathleen said with raised eyebrows.

''Kat! Please not right now.'' Mom scolded her and Dad gave her a warning glare. She let out a laugh.

''What I can't even say such things? Is it too hurtful for Bella? She's not made of glass.'' Kathleen said shrugging, as she took her sandwich from her plate.

''Don't you have someone else to pester Kat? Or is your life too boring for that?'' Meredith's boyfriend Jamie said, as he entered the kitchen with his son.

''At least I have a life..'' Kathleen grumbled. Ouch. Don't cry Bella. Don't cry. I can't let her see how much her words hurt me everyday. That's exactly what she wants.

''Enough! Go to your room, we'll talk later.'' Dad yelled at her and pointed up.

''Can I at least take my sandwich with me? Or is it not too important to you if I eat or not.'' Kathleen answered, not taken aback at all.

''I can't handle this.'' Mom said, as she run out of the kitchen. Crying.

''Just take your stuff Kat.'' Jamie said rolling his eyes. Meredith was looking sadly after our mother and decided to go after her. Kathleen then took her plate and made her way upstairs.

''And that's how I can make people leave within a few seconds.'' I chuckled and sat down.

I tried to hide my feelings, but it was hard. That's usually how it goes. My sister insults me, my mother scolds her, Kat says something hurtful and my mother leaves. Actually she doesn't leave the room very often or that quick. But whenever Kat says points out how my parents don't really care about her, my mother breaks down into tears. And I can't believe how hard it must be for her. One of her daughters is about to die and while she cares for me, she neglects Kathleen.

''Don't be silly Bells. You didn't do anything.'' Jamie said, as he sat down next to me. Little Charles was sitting on his lap.

Since my diagnose, Meredith, her boyfriend Jamie and their son two year old son Xander moved in again, to help my parents with me and my sister, which made me feel even more giulty. It seemed as if no one is really caring about their own life anymore and every decision is made after weighing if it will have any consequences for me. To be honest, my cancer has way more affect on my family than it has on me. My family is permanently in a crisis because of me and there's nothing I can do. And I don't want to imagine how things will change after my death.

''Yes Jamie's right. Kathleen is disrespectful towards not only you, but everyone else.'' Dad said and his lips were pressed into a line.

I sighed and started to eat a little. I knew my Dad was watching me and so was Jamie, but I just ignored them. They wanted me to eat, so a bread with stramberry-jam seems like a great start. I wasn't sure if they knew the exact reason why I didn't eat as much. Though I didn't want them to know. Since a few weeks, I'm having more and more trouble to eat properly and if I did, it's a matter of time until my body finds a way to get rid of it again.

After swallowing my last bite I said ''I better get dressed now.''

''Okay.'' Both Jamie and Dad said. For some odd reason I nodded at them, before standing up and making my way back to my room.

Today would be another day in the hospital where I'd get my treatments. In my opinion they're pretty useless in my stage. I already know I'm dying and I still have to get them. Even now when my parents knew I had only a little time left, they still insisted that I go. They were still hoping.

But the truth is: My cancer got worse and it will get a lot worser.

That's what my doctors told me when my parents left the hospital room. I only had a 0,000001% chance to survive, which is really really low. Those numbers are just another synonym for death.

But I couldn't die. Not before I didn't sort out a few things. I couldn't die with loved ones, hating me. So I had to make up with Kathleen. There are also a few person that may hate me, without knowing the true reason why I left them. For example my ex-boyfriend and daughter.

Yes I have a daughter. Although she isn't mine anymore. I gave her up for adoption right after her birth. I fell pregnant with her, after my first time with my ex-boyfriend Edward Cullen. He was my everything and I was his. I would have never dreamed of such a unique love I had with Edward. I met him when I was in high school, and when we were still living in Forks, Washington. I instantly fell in love with him and so did he, which still surprises me. Our love was perfect.

Well was until I broke up with him, after my diagnose. I knew enough people would get worried about me and it didn't seem right to stay with him and pretend we're gonna be together for a long time, when I was about to die. He deserved a happy life and I wasn't going to destroy it. I know he hates me for breaking up just like that, since he always talked about our future,marriage and kids. Yes, he was totally in love with me and I shattered all his hopes and dreams.

So all in all I have to make up with three loved ones, before I die.

1: My twin sister Kathleen.

2: My ex-boyfriend Edward.

3: My daughter.

Though I'm not too sure about my daughter. I believe that by now, she has a family that cares for her and she's barely 3 years old. I knew she wouldn't understand it now, but I was going to leave her a letter, that informs her about everything. And I would do the same with Edward. I'm still deciding wether to tell him of his daughter or not. I haven't written it in the letter, but I could easily add a sentence if I decide to inform him.

No one knows of my daughter. I've kept the pregnancy as a secret, which was pretty hard, but I somehow made it. I didn't even gave birth to her in the hospital. I remember it was at a abondaned meadow, that I found. I held my baby girl for a few minutes, before making my way to the adoption place. Without looking at her for one more time, I dropped her on their doorsteps, knowing they would take care of her. Or at least I hope so.

''Bella are you ready?'' My dad shouted.

Ups. I quickly grabbed some clothes from my closet and got dressed. I took a paper and a pen and wrote down a note for Kathleen.

**Please meet me at 'La Vita' at 4pm after my treatments. I know you don't give a shit about me, but I'd be really grateful to talk to you one more time. Plus I need your help. - Bella**

I had no idea if she was going to come or not, but I hoped so. I grabbed my jaket and quickly ran into Kathleen's room, she wasn't there so I dropped the note on her leptop and left the room.

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**So yeah this was the first chapter and this story will be short. Probably around 3-4 chapters the most. Anyways hope you liked it. Next chapter will be more about her treatments and her cancer in general and you'll see if Kathleen will come or not. **


	2. Always and Forever

_Cancer can take away all of my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul. - Jim Valvano_

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**Chapter 2 **

_Bella's POV _

For the first time in month, I was succeful in convincing my family that only one person had to go with me and not the entire Swan Family. Usually both of my parents, Meredith, Jamie and Xander would accompany me. Sometimes even Kathleen, when she was forced to go. I tried to talk to them several times, that they don't have to come with me, since I know what I have to do in the hospital. Now they finally agreed, after I put up a quite convincing show. Only my father would accompany me today and the others would stay at home.

''Bella are you sure, you don't want anyone else to come with you?'' My mother Renee replied with a concerned look. I nodded, taking my bag from the cupboard next to the door.

''Yes I'm 99% sure Mom. I know you're not feeling well today and Dad comes with me, so I'll be fine.'' I reassured her with a soft smile.

She still didn't look all too convinced, but we've had the same conversation yesterday and she did agree to it. I hope she sticks to it.

''We've had this Renee. You know it's all too much for Bella if everyone accompanies her.'' Dad said softly, as he pulled her into a hug.

''I know...but if anything happens..''

''..You'll be the first I'll call.'' Dad finished her sentence and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. Mom sighed and took a few steps closer to me.

''I want to know every little detail the doctors tell you today. Even if it's unnecessary. Otherwise I'll call Dr. Lewis myself.'' Mom told me with a stern look. She had her hands on my arms and was looking directly into my eyes.

''Yes Mom I promise. Plus Dad's also there and I bet you'll call him every 5 minutes to be updated.'' I said rolling my eyes at my all too worried mother.

I went through a lot of those moments with either my mother or Meredith. One time she was even worse than today. A day before my next appoinment my mother got sick, so she had to stay at home and believe me when I say it wasn't nice at all for the ones going and staying. She called every two minutes and my Dad nearly lost his mind. Kathleen stayed at home as always and she told us how unbearable Mom got once we hung up the telefone.

''Okay.. be safe.'' Mom said before she pulled me in a tight hug. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her body.

''Love you mom.''

''I love you too Bella. Always and Forever.'' Mom told me. I had no idea what it was, but for some reason it felt as if she said goodbye to me. There was love, sadness and longing in her voice and it killed me.

''Always and Forever'' I echoed her.

My mother was the one suffering the most, because of my cancer. She was a strong independend woman before my diagnose, but after the doctors informed her how sick I am, she became very insecure and weak. Nowadays she checks on me every half an hour, which can be really annoying, but I know she only does it because she loves me. And exactly that insecurity that she has, is the reason why I'd rather take only my Dad to today's appointment.

''Let's go Bells.'' Dad said, opening the front door. I slowly pulled away from my mother. I wish I could make her happy, but I know the only thing that would truly make her happy is when all her family is healthy and happy. Which I'm not and unfortunately there's nothing I can do about it.

We walked out of the house. I looked back and saw my mother standing at the door frame as she looked after us. Little Xander showed up next to her and she picked him up. I don't know what is was, but he said something that made her laugh, which on the other hand made me smile.

Dad opened the passenger seat for me and I climbed into the car, throwing my bag at the seats behind me. I buckled my seatbelt and turned onn my phone, to be a little distracted. Even though Dad wasn't one of the persons that talk a lot, the chance that he'll want to talk about my sickness or anything in that direction still consist. Luckily he didn't ask me anything the whole drive and the silence felt surprisingly nice. We arrived at the hospita withing a hour and I quickly jumped out of the car once we arrived. I just wanted it to be done.

''I think you forgot something Bells.'' Dad called after me as he closed the door of his car. He walked the other side and pointed to the back seats. He took my bag out and held it up.

''Oh I almost forgot. Thanks Dad.'' I told him with a smile, as I took my bag from his hands.

''You _did_ forget Bells.'' Dad reminded me with a smirk. I rolled my eyes.

We entered the hospital and there it was again. The smell of sickness and death and tears. Oh yeah, many many tears. But the air was also filled with many laughters or happy cries, from the ones who just got the good message that their loved one will get better. Even hope like the increase of the percentage of the survival chance could make them smile. Yes only a few little numbers could magically make once devastated people happy again.

''Ahh..Charlie! Bella!. Pleasure to meet you again.'' I heard Dr. Lewis' voice from behind me. Dad and I turned around at the same time to see my doctor walking towards us with a smile.

Why was he smiling like that?

''Henry, good to see you too.'' Dad said with a grin, as he went to greet Dr. Lewis. I still don't get why they had to call each other by first name. Calling someone by first name means you're close. And I don't want to be close to the person that someday will tell my parents I died. The one person, that will shatter their world.

''I don't want to be rude.. but why are you smiling so widely?''I asked Dr. Lewis and his smile got wider. Oh boy.

''Maybe it would be more appropriate to talk somewhere were we're not under so many people?'' Dr. Lewis suggested and gestured towards the hallway.

''Of course.'' Dad replied with a nod. Dr. Lewis led us down the hallway until we reached the room, where I was treated most of the time.

''So..where do I start? Good or bad news first?'' He asked us and my dad glanced over to me. I shrugged.

''Bad news first.'' I answered. Dr. Lewis nodded softly and sat in his seat, pulling out a few papers.

''So the bad news is that there is no way, we can stop your cancer from growing..'' Dr. Lewis started, but my Dad interrupted him.

Tell me something I don't know.

Of course my dad gasped because he had no idea that my death is already signed. I had asked Dr. Lewis to not tell my parents, that my cancer's growth is unstopable. It would only make them more depressiv.

''Which means the treatments didn't work again?'' Dad asked with a shaky voice. I grabbed his hand and held it tight to comfort him.

''Yes and No. We're not sure yet. We saw a change in her cancer's growth in the month of April. It drastically went down again, but the strange part is that in April Bella didn't have as much treatments as usual. We still have to figure out what made your cancer shrink and therefore we need your help Bella.'' Dr. Lewis said with a stern look.

''Why? You said you couldn't stop the cancer so why does it matter?'' I said slightly angry. I didn't want him to give my parents hope when there is none.

''Bella..'' Dad started to say, but Dr. Lewis cut him off.

''It's okay Charlie, she's right. Yes we can't stop you cancer, but if we figure out why it shrunk in April more than it did in the other months you could have more..'' Dr. Lewis told me, but stopped.

''I could have more time. That's what you wanted to say right?'' I finished his sentence. Dr. Lewis nodded with a sad expression.

''Additionally we could help other patients whose cancer is at an earlier stage.'' Dr. Lewis added.

''I'd love to help others, I really do. But April is month ago. I can't remember anything..'' I said, slightly desperate. Now it was my father's turn to squeeze my hand.

I was being completely honest. April was 4 month ago and I had no idea what I did different in that specific month.

''Did you travel? Or did anything that you only did in April?'' Dr. Lewis said, trying to help me remember.

I shook my head. ''Like I said I can't remember.''

''What about your diary? You could look at the pages from April, if you still write it.'' Dad suggested and looked between me and Dr. Lewis.

''Yeah I did. I could look it up and inform you when I find anything odd.'' I replied. A grateful smile spread across Dr. Lewis face.

''Thank you Bella. We try our hardest to give you more time.'' Dr. Lewis said with a serious look.

Even though my Dad was hiding it pretty well, I could see him fighting the tears. He was looking to the ground and slightly shaking his head, as if he couldn't process the words Dr. Lewis just said. Today is the first time one of my parents are being comfronted with the facts. The fact that I only have a matter of time to life. The fact that there is no chance to cure my cancer. The fact that they would loose one of their daughters soon.

''Dad, maybe it's best if you wait outside?'' I told him, rubbing his finger knuckles with my thumb.

''Know it's.. it's okay. I'm fine.'' Dad said mostly to himself. He looked up again and tried to keep his emotions inside of him. I knew that one more sentence would break his barrier and he'd start crying.

''Please Dad, I'd like to talk alone to Dr. Lewis... just for a few minutes and you can 'update' Mom in the meantime.'' I said to him as I slowly and carefully dropped his hand.

He hesitated for a minute before saying, ''Only a few minutes.'' And with that he left the room and I could see him picking out his phone.

''I know you didn't want your parents to find out Bella, but...-'' Dr. Lewis said and I cut him off.

''No it's alright, really. It was just a matter of time until they got to find it out. It's just that I can't see them suffering anymore so I don't..'' I said, but my voice broke.

''Don't forget to breathe Bella.'' Dr. Lewis reminded me. I catched my breath again and looked him serious in the eye.

''I don't want the few more weeks you could possibly give me. I've lived with the fact that I'm gonna die soon for month now and I can't handle it anymore. The _wait _is killing me.'' I told him. I felt the warm tears running down my cheeck.

''As you wish Bella, but please also consider your family. Maybe they would want to have more time with you.'' Dr. Lewis told me and I could see the pity in his eyes.

''More time will not make them happy Dr. Lewis. I see them crying and my family is on it's way to break apart because of me. I just want it to be over. I want them to _live_ again.'' I said and I couldn't stop crying. Dr. Lewis stood up, grabbed a few tissues and handed them to me.

''Bella you're not breaking your family apart.'' Dr. Lewis told me sternly.

''I remember reading a quote by Ingrid Bergman..'' I started as I wiped my tears away. I stood up and qouted:

''_Cancer vicitims who don't accept their fate, who don't learn to live with it, will only destroy what little time they have left._''

Dr. Lewis gave me a half smile. ''So you're sure?'' he asked me.

I nodded.'' 100% sure and believe I've never been so sure. I want to enjoy the time I have left and make the best out of it.'' I told him.

''You know... you could inspire many many other cancer patients with your words.'' Dr. Lewis said, now with a full smile. I smiled back.

''Thank you for everything... Henry.'' I said, using his first name. Dr. Lewis came grinning towards me and pulled me into a hug.

''Be safe Bella.'' He whispered.

''I'll try my best..''

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(Kathleen's POV)

My sister's note was between my fingers and I was looking at it since the past hour. It was the first time Bella made the effort to directly contact me. She used to look at me or gesture to the backyard or our rooms, though I always ignored it. Since we moved away, I tried to ignore Bella and I was succesful. At least she would think that. Me and her used to be inseperable before me moved back to Florida. We were the true definition of twins.

There were many days where only Bella and I hung around for hours, heck even for days. We used to share one room, so we could always sneak to each others bed and talk and laugh until we'd fall asleep. Even though we are twins I used to look up at her. Not some freaking teenager celebrities were my idol. No she was.

Whenever something was wrong, Bella was the first to know. My parents believed it was because of the twin telepathy we shared, though I think it was mainly because Bella knew me better than anybody else. Even I didn't know as much about me. I used to tell her everything and she told me everything. Best buddies.

Our entire relationship changed when Bella made the decision to leave Forks, Washington. Our home, my home. I loved it there, heck no I adored Forks. A little town where it rains more a day than it does in other cities over the whole year. We had a house over there and everything was perfect. I was a straight A student in school, had amazing friends that supported me in everything I did and I had the biggest crush on a boy called Jacob.

Just because she decided to leave, because she broke up with her boyfriend meant we all had to leave. It was at the time when Bella was diagnosed with Leukemia and my parents fufilled her every single wish. And when Bella says she wants to leave Forks, because she couldn't handle to stay near him then that is final.

No one cared what I wanted in life. That I wanted to stay in Forks. Not only Bella had loved ones there, no so did I and I had to leave every single one of them, because of her. And no one asked about my opinion. I could have stayed with one of my friends or even Dad's friend Billy who I was close to, but no they insisted that I have to come with them, since I'm under 18.

Though I didn't hate Bella. Yes she took everything away from me, but she was still my sister. My twin. She was dying and she needed my help. I stayed like this for a moment and decided whether to go or not. What if she was in desperate need for help? But what could it be? I don't have the power to stop her cancer, though I wish I had it.

I felt my phone vibrate and quickly picked it up. A new text message. From Bella.

**I'm sure you got my note, so if you decide to come, we just left the hospital, dunno when we're gonna be there. I'd say in half an hour, but I'm not sure. I'll send you another message when we're close. Hope to see you.- Bella **

After staring at the text for a few minutes, I stood up, grabbed my bag and ran out of my room and out the door.

''Nah, where are you going?'' Mom asked me with a stern look. She grabbed my arm that tight that it hurted.

''Ouh Mom you're hurting me!'' I whined and she immediately let go. I could see regret flashing her eyes.

''I-I'm sorry.'' Mom stuttered.

''It's okay. And to answer your question, I'm gonna meet up with Bella.'' I told her and tried to grab my keys, who were lying behind her on the cupboard.

''You're meeting up Bella? As in your sister Bella?'' Mom asked stunned, her mouth was wide open.

''Yes the one and only Bella. Can I go now?'' I said a little impatient.

''Of course. Have fun.'' Mom told me with a wide grin on her face.

I closed the door behind me and walked over to my bicycle. Yes I'm gonna take my lovely bicycle. To be honest, I don't get why everyone is so obsessed with cars or why they have faith in them. I've seen it many times when the petrol of my friends cars go empty and we got stuck on the road. It even happened with my father's car and he once was the chief of police in Forks, Washington. Proud daughter of a police officer.

I cycled down the road and occasionally turned a few times left and right. The resturant 'La Vita' wasn't really far away and I'll probably arrive before Bella. My Dad sure is one of the slowest drivers in the world. Soon after I arrived and wasn't surprised when I didn't see Bella or my Dad's car. After I climbed off my bicycled, I walked into the resturant and booked a table for us. This resturatant used to be our favorite when we were little. Bella and I pestered my parents to take us here for luch every day and the food never got boring. This is actualy the first time I'm here again.

''Kathleen is that you?'' a female voice said. I turned around to see my best friend Kim Connweller and her boyfriend Jared.

''Kimmie?!'' I exclaimed in surprise. What was she doing in Phoenix? She rarely got out of the reservation.

''Hey good to see you.'' Kim said with a huge smile. She pulled me into a hug.

''What on earth are you doing here?'' I asked confused and happy at the same time.

''We received an email from Bella a few days ago. She invited us and I thought why not? I needed to shop for my prom dress anyways and you were always the best in choosing the right one.'' Kim said grinning. Jared stood next to her and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

''B-Bella i-invited y-you?'' I stuttered, unable to perfom a proper sentence.

''Yes.. why does it surprise you that much?'' Kim asked slightly taken aback.

''I was suppose to meet up with her and now I see you two. I guess I'm just too surprised. Plus I never thought she'd actually invite you...'' I mumbled, still half in shock.

''I don't get it Kathy. You two always used to suprise each other.'' Kim said.

I sighed. ''I'll explain it later. I first have to find Bella. How long do you stay?''

''2 days, prom is in three. It's fine, I'll call you tonight and we'll meet up.'' Kim answered me. I nodded with a smile.

''Hey Katherine.'' Jared said grinning like a fool. Oh not that again. Since the day I met Jared, he likes to call me Katherine instead of Kathleen, since he thinks Kathleen is a strange name.

''Oh shut up Jerry.'' I said and rolled my eyes.

''I think I've spotted Bella.'' Kim said looking over my shoulders. ''Anways see ya tomorrow.!''

And with that Kim and Jared made their way out. I turned around to see Bella entering the resturant and she clearly couldn't hide her smile.

''You know.. you could have given me a little warning.'' I told her with a smile and walked over to her.

''It wouldn't have been a surprise that way Kat.'' Bella rolled her eyes at me.

''I know.. but thank you.'' I told her honestly and she gave me a smile in return.

''So that was only one part why I wanted you to come here. I really need to talk to you Kat.'' Bella said more serious this time.

''Alright then let's sit down. But we'll eat after _the _talk right? I'm starving.'' I moaned and my hand moved to my belly.

Bella chuckled. ''You ate two hours ago.''

''Two hours is a veeeery long time you know.'' I told her serious. My stomach agreed by grumbling.

It was a bit weird to talk to Bella this way again. To talk to her with a nice tone and all. For month I've been cruel to her and I always searched for something to insult her, just because I couldn't get over the fact that we moved from Forks. All this time I thought Bella was the one being selfish, and maybe she was but so was I. She is sick, deadly sick and I never supported her. We walked to the table and sat down. There was a silence for awhile.

''Kathleen.. I know you hate me. And it's taken me this long to figure out why. When I broke up with Edward and told Mom and Dad I wanted to move back, I didn't ask you for your opinion. How selfish of me. I was only thinking about me and how I didn't want to meet him again, when you had friends and people who love you in Forks too.'' Bella apologised. She wanted to continue but I cut her off.

''Very true, but I wasn't near better. You are sick and all I thought about were my friends. I've been so cruel to you..'' I started to say, but my voice broke.

''Shh, I'm not mad at you.'' She said and moved closer to me to pull me into a hug.

''How can you not be? I treated you like shit and you have cancer!'' I exclaimed and felt tears running down my cheeck. For all this month I convinced myself that Bella deserved it, but the truth was I was acting like a 5 year old.

''I don't know, I'm simply not. You're my sister Kat, we fight and we make up again. I thought I had more time, but the truth is I didn't want to die with you hating me. Which sounds selfish again..'' Bella mumbled.

''Don't be silly, it's not selfish at all. And what do you mean with you thought you had more time?'' I asked confused. I looked her in the eye.

''Kathleen.. I only have a few more weeks. Maximun, before I'll die.'' She told me.

No. No. No. No.

''No you're lying! You're not dying! What about the treatments?!'' I cried out and couldn't stop all the tears. Bella was sobbing next to me.

She can't die. Just the words are killing me, they're ripping one piece of my heart out and it hurts. Very much. We shared a womb, were inseperable all our life and now she was going to leave me. She can't. I need her.

''They didn't work, but it's okay Kat. I'm ready for it.'' Bella assured me.

''But I'm not!'' I said, still crying. I couldn't discribe the hundreds of feelings that hit me like a thunderstorm. I felt sad, angry, broken and lost at the same time. She was my other half..

''I didn't say I'm ready to leave you. I'm only ready to fall asleep Kat.'' Bella said, sobbing.

''I love you Bella.'' I told her and hugged her tighter.

''As do I love you. Always and Forever.'' Bella whispered. I felt her tears on my shoulder.

''Always and Forever.'' I answered.

* * *

**Yaay she made up with her twinnie! Though will Edward forgive her? Not too sure.. **

**I know it seems like an ending but it's not lol. I've planned everything out all there will be four chapters plus an epilogue. Hope you liked it, if you did review! **


	3. Bella's Letter

_As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit. ~Emmanuel_

* * *

**Chapter 3 **

_(Bella's POV)_

I can't remember when the last time was that I had that much fun like yesterday. After the little talk I had with Kathleen, we immediately ordered some food, because she was starving. Our conversation were much more light hearted, which I was really happy about after we had cried so much before. It actually felt as if nothing has happened the past year, as if I was still the same old Bella and Kathleen was still the same as always.

And I missed her. I missed her so much.

All this time I was longing for her support and her ability to make me laugh at times I rather feel like crying. I can say it was harder to go through all of this without her. Yes I did have my parents, Meredith and even her boyfriend Jamie, but I needed Kathleen. I needed my twin sister, who was my other half. We're indentical twin sisters and the only thing that really differents us are our personalities. I am shy, clumsy, awkward and stubborn at time. She was self confident, outgoing, loud and open minded. Though she did have her stubborn days or even months.

''So do you mind if I go out with Kimmie today? She wanted to go shopping for a prom dress.'' Kathleen told me after she had looked up from her magazine. We were both lying on my bed.

''Not at all. I actually wanted to search for one too, but it's okay Mer offered to go with me.'' I told her. She let out a chuckle.

''Bells we had our prom and you didn't go remember?'' Kathleen reminded me with a giggle. I rolled my eyes.

''I know Kathy. I actually wanted to go to the prom in Forks.'' I replied. Her mouth dropped open.

''Forks? Are you sure? You're not feeling alright?'' Kathleen said and sat up. She put a hand on my forehead to check my temparture.

''No I'm fine and I was being serious. I need to.. sort out a few things.'' I told her and moved her hand away. She raised her eyebrows.

''Sort out what? Don't say you want to get back with Eddie boy.'' Kathleen moaned as she let herself fall back into my bed.

''Well you're close. I don't want to get back together, I just want to explain why I left him.'' I answered.

''Why you left him? You didn't tell him the truth?'' Kathleen asked astonished.

I shook my head. ''No I didn't...''

''But...'' Kathleen paused. '' If you didn't tell him the truth about your cancer, then what did you tell him?'' she asked confused.

''I told him that I wasn't in love with him anymore and that mom decided to move back to Arizona. And that I couldn't have a long-distance relationship with him.'' I said guilty.

''More details Bella.'' Kathleen whined.

To lie to Edward had to be one of the worst things that ever happened in my life. Or that I ever did. His heart wrenched face was still burned in the back of my mind and I could never forget the day..

_**Flashback **_

_After my last period, I walked out of the school building and into the woods. I had told Edward, that I wanted to meet up with him after school and of course he agreed to it. He thought we would spend another regular afternoon together, but that was far from the truth. This would be the last time he'll get to see me for a very long time. _

_I was going to break up with him today. _

_Not because I didn't love him. I really did with all my heart and just the thought of leaving killed me, but I had to do it. I was diagnosed with cancer a month ago and it was only a week ago when my doctors told me that there is no chance to cure my cancer. They could give me more time by trying to shrink the cancer or it's growing with special treatments, but they couldn't prevent me from dying. _

_I know exactly how Edward would react if he find out I have cancer. He would drop everything he has. Literally. He will stop going to school and won't concentrate on other important things. He will only care about me and while the thought is heart warming I couldn't let that happen. I don't want him to destroy his own future and life because of me. I was already going to destroy the lfies of my family, since they already worry way too much. _

_It wasn't long before I could spot Edward. He had his hands in his pockets and a huge smile was on his face. Oh boy this was going to be harder than I thought. _

_''Hey my love.'' Edward said as he approached me. He wanted to give me a kiss, but I pushed him away. _

_''What is wrong?'' He said very confused. I sighed and put up a stern face expression. _

_''Edward I can't do this any longer.'' I told him. I wasn't looking at him. I couldn't look at him. _

_''Wh-at d-do you m-ean?'' Edward stuttered. He still had no idea. _

_''I'm..'' I took in a deep breath. '' I'm not in love with you anymore Edward.'' _

_Edward's lips were formed into a straight line and I could see the pain in his eyes. _

_''No you're lying.'' He stated painfully. _

_''No I'm not Edward. I. Am. Not. In. Love. With. You.'' I said slowly, word for word. He shook his head rapidly. _

_''I know it's not the truth! Bella don't lie to me, you're a terrible liar. What is it that you don't wanna tell me huh?'' Edward said angrily. It was now starting to rain. _

_''I'm not lying Edward. I know you don't want to believe it, but it's the truth. And I'm moving away with my family.'' I added. _

_''So that is the reason? You're moving away? I can come with you.'' He said more relieved. _

_''I don't want you to come with me Edward. And I can't have a long distance relatiionship either. I'm sorry.'' I said. I had to swallow several times to be able to breath again. This was killing me. _

_I wanted to scream 'Forget what I said, I love you so much Edward' and tell him the truth about my cancer. _

_''So that's it? You're throwing everything away we had? Every kiss, moment and the loved we shared?'' Edward questioned. We were both completey wet because of the rain now, and the rain drops were streaming down his face or maybe he was crying. I couldn't tell. _

_''Yes I am. I'm sorry.'' I said one last time, before I turned around and walked away. No I ran away. I was crying now and a part of me wanted to ran back into his arms. _

**End of Flashback **

''Wooow, poor Edward.'' Kathleen said pitiful.

''Don't make me feel even more guilty.'' I groaned.

''It's okay you had your reason. I even think that I would have done the same Bells.'' Kathleen said softly. I moved closer to her and she pulled me into a hug.

''I miss him so much.'' I whispered.

''You know what? I'll come with you. Let's go to the glorious Forks prom!'' Kathleen said happily, trying to light up my mood. I chuckled.

''Let's go to Forks prom.'' I agreed with a smile.

While Kathleen called Kim and informed her about everything, I made my way downstairs and told my parents what we're gonna do. To say they were surprised was an understatement. They were shocked and didn't say anything for a few moments. Of course my mom insisted to accompany us and I didn't argue. She was the better driver anyways and I didn't want to deny her again. She couldn't come to the hospital and I know how much that killed her.

After my parents and I talked everything through, I went back to my room where Kathleen already picked out some clothes for me. We quickly got dressed and went to meet Kim who was waiting for us in front of a shop. We went inside and searched for some 'cute' prom dresses and I wanted to find the perfect one. It would be my last prom, so I wanted to look the best. Fortunately I found the perfect dress and so did Kathleen and Kim.

We arrived home and my mom already booked us a flight and packed everything we needed. I noticed she didn't bring as much medical equipment as usual, which surprised me but I decided not to ask her. We said goodbye to our family and made our way to Forks, where we would stay the night at our old home in forks. I have to say it was amazing to be in Forks again, our home town. Yes, we weren't born in Forks, though we spent our childhood and teenagehood there and I enjoyed every moment. Kat and I shared a room together, because neither of us could sleep.

The next morning arrived and we were so excited that we even skipped breakfast just to get ready. We still had a few more hours to go, but we didn't care. Our mom did our hair and Kathleen did her and my make up. I was really surprised how good I looked as I saw the end product. And Kat wasn't any less beautiful.

''Let's go girls. Prom starts soon!'' Mom shouted from downstairs. Kathleen quickly put on some more lipstick and walked downstairs. I checked if I had put in the letter for Edward and then walked down.

''Ahh I'm so excited! Are we even allowed to go to prom when we're not students?'' Kathleen asked.

I shrugged. ''Not sure, but they know us since it's only been a year and I don't see why it should be a problem.''

''Oh I talked to the principal just in case and he is totally fine with it.'' Mom said with a grin.

''Thanks mom.'' Both Kathleen and I said in union.

We laughed, got into the car and made our way to Fork Washington High School where I would soon meet the love of my life. I didn't hesitate and got out of the car as soon as we arrived. Prom already started, so I made my way inside where I searched for Edward. I couldn't spot him at first, but then saw him dancing with Tanya.

He looked happy. She was laughing in his arms and he was twirling her around the dancefloor. I smiled. This is exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to move on and life a happy life and that was what he was doing.

I walked towards then and Edward's mouth fell open as he saw me. He looked as if he couldn't believe who was standing right in front of his eyes. He looked shocked and happy at the same time, but his face became very angry after awhile.

''Oh look who decided to return.'' He said through gritted teeth. Try and act as if it didn't hurt Bella.

''Look I just want to talk to you for a minute, please..'' I told him.

''And I don't want to talk to you. Not even for a second.'' Edward hissed. A wave of pain shot through my body. His words were poison. He has never talked to me this cold and cruel before, but I guess I deserve it.

''Please Edward. I know you don't want to, but I wouldn't be here if it isn't urgend.'' I said and tride to hide the pleading undertone. He chuckeld. It wasn't a light chuckle.

''I don't care. And I'd be really grateful if you could leave now.'' Edward said coldly. The letter was in my hands and I was about to give it to him, but his look was too hateful.

''I'm sorry.'' Was all I was able to say, before I broke down into tears and walked away. I could see Kathleen staring after me, but I headed straight for Jasper and Alice.

''Bella? Is that you?'' Alice asked surprised.

''Yes it's me. Could you please give this letter to Edward? He.. he doesn't want to talk to me and I understand that. But please you two, I can't leave this world without him knowing the truth.'' I sobbed. I handed them the letter, but both were confused.

''What are you talking about Bella? Leave this world? And what truth?'' She asked confused.

''I have cancer. Since a year. And I only have little time before I die. It was the reason I left, Alice. Please, give him the letter.'' I said. She took the letter and before she could say anything, I ran outside.

* * *

**(Edward' POV)**

Bella. She was here. I saw her beautiful face again that in the end was covered with tears. Tears that I was the reason for. But why did she came? To tell me she got bored of her life and how she regrets leaving me? Did she reconsider that our love wasn't as bad as she thought?

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe how cold I was towards her. I never believed I could talk to her this way, but I wasn't going to let her hurt me again. To be angry was the only way I could control my other feelings. As in being hurt. I knew I would have broken down if I had actually talked to her.

''Come on Edward dance with me. Don't let her ruin our night..'' Tanya told me, as she tugged on my arm. I wasn't looking at her, I was still staring after Bella.

I shook my head. Tanya was right. I wasn't going to let Bella destroy my prom night. I can't let her have the power. Not again. Not after she killed me by leaving.

''You're right I'm sorry.'' I told Tanya and gave her a kiss on her forehead. A smile spread across her lips.

We started walking towards the dancefloor and began to dance. And again I had to compare Tanya to Bella. Tanya was much more confident and secure when she was dancing with me. Bella used to be clumsy, but I loved it. It gave me the oppurtunity to hold her tighter and closer to me. What am I thinking. I'm dancing with Tanya. Not Bella.

''So.. do you have any plans for tonight?' Tanya asked me. Her finger trailed down my chest.

''We could go out for dinner or go to mine.'' I said shrugging.

''Mmhhh.. I like the sound of Option 2.'' She said and smirked up at me.

I couldn't answer her, because Bella's sister Kathleen caught my attention. She was dancing with Jacob a few meters away from us. That wasn't all too surprising, since she had a crush on him for years. She shot me evil glares all over the room, but there was also sadness in her eyes. I know Bella is her twin sister and that she cares for her, but was she seriously expecting me to welcome Bella with open arms after everything?

''Edward don't think too much about her. She left you not vise versa remember?'' Tanya reminded me. I looked down at her and saw her staring up at me.

I sighed. ''I know. It's just.. I didn't expect to see her ever see her again. She made it clear that she won't return.''

''But why does it bother you so much? I thought you moved onn.'' Tanya said with raised eyebrows.

''And I did. But she was still a huge part of my life Tanya. You can't expect me to forget her just like that.'' I answered her and broke the stare.

''I don't expect that from you Edward. I just don't want her to hurt you again.'' Tanya whispered and held tighter on my shoulders.

''She won't hurt me again Tanya, don't worry.'' I reassured her.

''I saw how you looked at her Edward. That was more than the look you'd give an ex-lover.'' Tanya stated.

''Tanya.. I _loved _her.'' I told her. I could see the pain in her eyes.

''And..'' She breathed. ''... you still love her.''

That wasn't a question. She stated it. And she was right. I still love Bella, I will always love her. No matter how much she hurted me, no matter what she will ever do. I will always love her and no girl can change that. Which still doesn't mean I didn't love Tanya. I do love her, but the truth is my love for Bella is stronger and Tanya knew it.

''Yes.'' I paused. ''I still love her. But I also love you Tanya.'' I told her. A small smile spread across her face.

''I know you do Edward, but..-'' Tanya was cut off my the voice of my sister Alice.

''Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!'' Alice yelled from across the dancefloor. She was marching over to me and I gotta admit, she did look pretty scary.

''What do you want Alice.'' I said slightly annoyed. Tanya pulled away from me, but I wrapped an arm around her before she could go away.

''Did you just tell Bella to leave?! Without even taking the letter she wrote for you?!'' Alice hissed at me.

''Err yeah I did?'' I questioned a little taken aback. Why was she so angry?

''And you're not curious why she mad the effort to come all the way from Florida to Forks just to give you the letter in person?'' Alice asked with a stern look.

''I don't know Alice, just spit it out.'' I told her.

''She is sick Edward. She's really really sick. And she's is dying, but before that she wanted to explain everything to you and you just sent her away.'' Alice scolded me, pretty pissed out.

She is what?! Bella is dying?! No No No No No. She can't be dying. She can't leave this world. She's simply not.

''I'm sure this is an misunderstanding Alice. She can't be dying.'' I said with a fierced look. Tanya squeezed my hand tightly. She was also looking pretty shocked.

''No it's not Edward. She is dying.'' Alice said and her voice broke. Tears started to make their way down her cheeck. Jasper was at her side in a matter of seconds.

''She's telling the truth Edward. And she really wanted you to read this letter.'' Jasper said sadly, handing me the letter from Bella.

I couldn't believe what both of them were saying and I didn't want to. This was a thousand times worse than the day Bella broke up with me. And I couldn't order in the feelings that hit me all at once. With shaking hands, I took the letter out of his hands, dropped Tanya's hand and made my way outside. I walked a bit further until I found a bench to sit on. I slowly opened the letter.

_Dear Edward, _

_I know you must be surprised that I wrote you a letter or that I even came to Forks to see you one last time. I intended to tell you everything personal, but in case that goes wrong I decided to write it in form of a letter and I truly hope that you will understand everything. _

_I will not try and beg you for forgivness, because you can decide whether you'll forgive or or not after reading this. What I want to say is, I know you're mad at me for leaving you last year, for breaking apart everything we had. And yes I am sorry for that. _

_For destroying our forever. _

_Because I did enjoy it. No. I loved it Edward. I really really loved it and I guess you won't believe me, but I did. You are the first I guy I loved with all my heart, you were and still are my world Edward. I didn't leave you because I didn't love you. I left you, because I didn't want to hurt you. _

_I left you because I have cancer. _

_To be specific : acute lymphoblastic leukemia. And this cancer is killing me. Not sure if you're reading this before or after my death, but it doesn't matter. Edward.. I didn't want you to suffer. I knew you'd probably drop everything and I didn't want that. I didn't want to destroy another life. You had the right to live a happy life and I wasn't going to take the happines away from you just because fate is against me. _

_Don't every think that leaving you was easy. It was the most terrible and heart breaking thing I've ever done in my life. Heck even dying is easier. When I saw the look on your face after I told you I was going to leave you.. it killed me from the inside out. I was a step away from telling you the truth. The selfish me was screaming to tell you the truth, but selfess Bella won in the end. _

_Just think about it Edward, I guess after you moved on you had a happy life again. You lived Edward and I saved you, while I couldn't save my family. They were fighting all the time, they were breaking apart just because of me. And I couldn't bear it. _

_But you weren't the only one I left Edward. I also left our daughter behind. Yes our daughter.. I was 4 month pregnant with her when I was diagnosed and when the doctors told me that my cancer isn't curable. I didn't want to start raising her, when I was about to die in a few month. _

_It wasn't fair. _

_Why I didn't tell you? If I had told you, then you would have asked me why I wanted to give her up. Yes you wanted to have children, but you always told me how you wanted them far far in the future and not as a 17 year old teenager. Your parents brought so much effort in your education and so did you. A child would have destroyed it. Plus, I knew you would know of her when she's still a baby, since I only had a few more month to live and I was going to tell you. _

_It is your choice. I don't want to pressure you in adopting her, but she is your daughter. And I can't change the fact. _

_Her name is Valerie Faith, which means strong and faithful. And I'm sure that's what she's going to be. If you decide to take her, then please can you give her my letter? I gave them to Kathleen and she will give them to you, if you decide so. _

_I wish you could hold me in my last hours. To tell me stories about heaven and how I'd peacefully live after my death. How we would meet again when the time has come. _

_I know what you're asking yourself. You need to know if I fought against the cancer. And I did Edward. I did until a month ago, when my death was offically signed. Now I wanted you to know it. _

_I wanted you to know that I loved you with everything I had Edward and I will always love you. _

_Always and Forever. _

_Forever Yours, _

_Isabella Marie Swan. _

I couldn't supress the heart wrenching tears that were now streaming down my face. She loved me. And she was dying. My Bella way dying. The one I loved and still love after everything. After she broke up with me, after she took my heart with her. She told me to move on and I did.

I moved on.

I continued high school and just gratuated. I fell in love again with Tanya, but I never loved her the way I love Bella. I could never love anyone the way I love Bella. Our love was special and it will forever have a special place in my heart. My heart that was shattered by her.

I wanted to scream at the letter and tell her to stay. To stay with me.

I held the letter even tighter. ''I love you Bella. I love you so much.'' I sobbed.

And I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I rejected her today, when she was about to tell me everything in person. I didn't even let her speak, even though I wanted to, but I was too angry. All the emotions I've surpressed all these years were finally coming out as I saw her again. I didn't know what she wanted to tell me. I didn't know.

I would have let her speak . I would have held her in my arms and tell her that I still love her. I would have kissed her warm and soft lips, and tell her that I'd be there until her last breath.

My wet eyes flew over the text again and I couldn't bear it. Her words were like a sharp knife that was stabbing me over and over again. It felt as if my heart was bleeding from the inside out.

I was dying with her. The pain of loosing her forever was killing me. It hit me like a thousand trucks at once. And I couldn't handle it. I couldn't let her die without apologising. Without telling her that I love her.

And with that I stood up and ran as fast as I could through the pouring rain towards my car.

* * *

**I know the first half may seem a little rushed or even the story, but keep in mind that this is a short story. It was suppose to be a one shot, but I had a few more ideas and couldn't fit it in one single one shot. So how do you feel? Do you think Edward will make it to Bella before it's too late? Or will he arrive when it is already too late? Hope you all like the chapter. In the meantime please review! :) **


	4. My baby girl

_"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt._

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Let go. **

Now that was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would take me a lot to step in front him, face him and explain everything and even though I expected him not to listen, I still hoped he would. Hoped he would hear me out, so I could tell him the reason I left. I wish I could have told him how much I love him for one more time. But I couldn't. My last hope were Alice and Jasper, I handed them my letter and who knows maybe he'll read it.

''Bella wait up!'' I heard someone shouting behind me. I was now outside of the school and on my way home. Someone grabbed my arm and I turned around to face Jacob.

''Oh hey Jake.'' I gave him a genuine smile. He seemed as if he wanted to return the smile, but couldn't for some reason.

''Is it..'' He took in a breath. ''Is it true? About your cancer?'' Jake asked me with a frown on his face.

''Sadly it is, but please don't pity me. That's the least I want right now.'' I sighed, wrapping my arms around my own body. It's starting to get cold.

''I wasn't going to. I know it sucks when people tell you how much they're sorry. Even thoughI wasn't the one dying, my mother died and I remember how much I hated to see the pitiful looks on all their faces.'' Jake said with an understanding look on his face.

''I can't help but to say I'm sorry for your loss. I never knew she was dead...'' I started, but he interrupted me.

''Lemme guess, you thought she abondanded us by leaving with her new husband?'' Jake said and as he let out a small chuckle.

''Errr... yeah? I'm sorry.. I knew I shouldn't have listened to the rumors, but you never mentioned her.'' I apologised and I meant it.

Me and Jake used to be good friends before I left, but as we moved our friendship fell apart which I was really depressed about. He used to be there for me all the time, when ever I needed to talk to someone outside of the family, he was there in a second. Jake gives, in my opinion, the best advices ever. He understands someone and doesn't judge, before he knows the whole reason. And even when he knows it, he rarely judges.

''I know, I wasn't really ready for it before, though I did want to tell you last year but then as I was making my way to your house, I just heard The Swans moved.'' Jake told me. He tried to shrug it off, but I saw the hurtful expresion.

''I- I'm sorry Jake. I just didn't know what to do and didn't want anyone to find out about it.'' I replied to him as I put one hand of mine onto his arm. He gave me a smile.

''It's okay Bells. I knew you had your reasons. Besides.. I missed all of you. Do you know how terribly boring this city is without all of you?'' Jake chuckled as he lightened up the mood. I couldn't help but smile.

''We missed you too Jake, especially my sister.'' I smirked and playfully punched his arm.

''Oh yeah I'm so glad she's back.'' Jake muttered under his breath. His eyes were glowing and just to see that was making me incredibly happy.

''And I'm glad she has you. Please make her happy when I'm gone.'' I told him. My voice was barely a whisper.

''Bella...'' Jake said.

''Jake, please.'' I said and ended our conversation by hugging him.

''I wish I could spend more time with you.'' Jake whispered as he hugged me tighter.

I smiled over his shoulder. ''I'll always be here and watch you.''

''You better do so.'' Jake chuckled.

I didn't want to pull apart from him, but I had to go. There was still one person I had to meet and I don't even know if she's is still in Forks or not. If I could only see my baby girl for one last time. I think I'd be ready to die then. As I slowly pulled apart from Jake, I saw how Emmett was watching after me with a pained expression. Rosalie who had a blanked expression was standing next to him. Should I go back and talk to them? I would, if I had more time.

I didn't tell anyone, but I know that I have a very short amount of time. And when I say very short, I mean it. Yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night, because my whole body was in pain. I didn't scream, because I couldn't bear neither my mom or Kathleen to see my like this. To see me this weak and dead. Fortunately I made it out of my room and I tip toed to the backyard where I just lay down. My doctors always asked me to discribe my pain from a skala from 1 to 10, where 10 is the worst and honestly the pain I felt yesterday was a 11. I was on the edge of waking my mom up, but couldn't. Everything was going sort of well again, I haven't seem them smile so often, so I wasn't going to destory that.

''I gotta go Jake.'' I told him and slowly pulled apart from his warm body. I had no idea how he could be warm when he was barely wearing anything.

''Where are you going?''

''I'm going to see my daughter.'' I said and without looking back again, I quickly walked to my mom's car and hopped in. I knew she was still somewhere here, but I also had an extra key for her car. Plus I know she'd be mad if she knows I'm driving on my own.

I did exactly know the way to the Orphanage, since I've walked past by it a lot of times in my teenage years. Mostly alone and I always used to feel very sad for the children in the Orphange who had no parents anymore. I even saw a couple that gave their child away and what did I do? Judged them. And what did I do? Gave my child away.

I know there's only a little chance that Valerie will be there. She must be around one year now so either way she was adopted or she's still here, but since most couples search for babies and Valerie was and still is a baby, people must have adopted her. Even if they did, I will find her.

I stopped the car, by turning the keys and stayed in the car for a while. Some kids were outside playing with a middle aged woman, but I could see there were a few children inside. Taking a deep breath, I opened the car door and stepped outside, making my way to the Orphanage. As I reached it, the middle aged woman came to me.

"Good Afternoon, can I help you?" She asked politely.

"Uhm.. I was wondering if a little girl called Valerie is still here? She is around one year." I told her nervously, rubbing my finger knuckles.

The woman raised her eyebrows. "Yes she is. But can I ask why you want to know that?"

"I am her mother and gave her away right after I gave birth due to my cancer. And now my last wish is to see her one last time." I said slowly, looking the woman straight in the eye.

She gasped. "You must be Bella then! Mrs. Leyton said I should call her when you arrive." she said hastily and rushed inside.

Not knowing if I should follow her inside or not, I just stayed outside and hoped she would come out soon. It was cold and I didn't have a jacket on, plus I had the feeling it's gonna rain any second.

"Isabella! It's great to see you again!" Mrs. Leyton said with a smile as she came out with a baby on her hip.

My baby girl.

Valerie had beautiful brown curls that reached until her ears. Her face feautures were pretty much the same as Edward's, the only thing she inherited from me were probably my eyes and nose.

I put my hand over my mouth as I tried to grasp my shockness, tears threatening to prick my eyes. My daughter. You know they say motherhood is a natural instinct, but even if it was not, I dont think no amount of teaching would prepare me for this moment. I have truly loved her and enjoyed the 9 month that I was able to carry her, able to protect her.

''She grew up quite a bit didn't she?'' Mrs. Leyton said grinning down at her. Valerie gave her an adorable baby smile that made my heart melt. Oh if I could only see for a longer time. I should have come earlier.

''Indeed she did and she is so beautiful...'' I replied awestruck as I continued to stare at her. ''And I take no one has adopted her?'' I asked, but more stated it, since it was obvious.

Saying it out loud made my heart ache, no one wanted her. I had hoped someone who wished for a child, would find their happiness and Valerie would find hers. Instead she is still in the Orphanage.

''Not until a week ago no. Your sister Kathleen called and said she wants to adopt Valerie, but she's watiting for her father's response if he wants to adopt her or not.'' Mrs. Leyton informed me, as Valerie played with her hair.

My sister wants to adopt my baby? Kathleen? The one in the family that never liked children and who wasn't really into the idea of having kids in the future, wants to adopt when she's still a teenager. Yet again, I would probably do the same if the roles were switched. I'd do everything to make my sister happy and couldn't bear the fact that her baby wasn't in the care of our family. But still I couldn't believe she did it. This way I didn't have to worry about my baby girl anymore. She'd be safe and sound. Though since when is Edward considering to adopt Valerie? He doesn't even know about her existence.

''Are you sure she said her father wants to adopt her?'' I asked slightly confused. She nodded, also confused.

''Yes that's what she said. Are you not fine with it?'' Mrs. Leyton asked.

''No I'm more than fine with it. He is her father and I'd be thrilled if he adopts her. Though I never told him about her.'' I answered.

''Ahh I see. I guess you're sister is then trying to convince Valerie's father. But I am sure he will decide for it, once he sees her. I mean who can deny this little angel?'' She chuckled. I smiled.

''Can I hold her?'' I asked.

''Of course! Here.'' Mrs. Leyton said, walkin up to closer to me. I gently pulled Valerie out of her arms and meanwhile I expected her to start crying, because a stranger just took her into her arms, she did the exact opposite and grinned up at me.

I finally let my tears make their way down my cheecks. There were happy tears. I was holding my daughter who was smiling at me. It was as if we were never seperated.

''Hey there pretty girl.'' I said, brushing over her forehead with my lips. She gave me a delight giggle in response.

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my chest and my muscles started to get weak. I screamed out in pain and my grib on Valerie started to loose. Mrs. Leyton quickly rushed to us and took Valerie out of my arms, before she could falll to the ground.

''Bella are you alright?'' Mrs. Leyton asked concerned, as she tried to calm the crying baby in her arms.

I was not able to answer her. The pain that washed over my body was way too intense to say anything. I had no control over my body and fell to the ground. My head crashed on the ground and I felt the darkness slowly come over me. I couldn't fight it anymore, it was over and I was ready.

I may have left this earth as a person, but I will forever watch over those I once loved.

And I would finally find my peace now.

* * *

**Chapter preview:**

Edward's POV

I couldn't stop looking at her gravestone. She was dead and lying under us. Or maybe she already travelled to heaven and is looking upon us. Yes, she's watching us. Tha'ts what Bella would do. Care and look out for the ones she loves. She will never be forgotten by anybody. I'll make sure of it.

* * *

**So sorry for the long wait! I actually have no excuse for it. I didn't want this chapter to be sad since the next one is alreay killing me. The next chapter will be in Edward's POV and the Epilogue will be in Edward and Valerie's POV. Thank you for sticking around and I hope you liked the chapter? Reviews are much appreciated!**


	5. Goodbye Angel

**Last chapter before the epilogue! I'd love to say enjoy, but I don't think anyone of you will. So yeah read for yourself :)**

* * *

**Chapter 5 **

Edward's POV 

Of course I didn't find my car keys when I needed them the most. I was standing in front of my car and searched for my keys in literally all my pockets, but no keys. Some of my siblings must have taken it or I lost it. Just when I had to go as fast as I could after Bella. Suddenly I saw Kathleen running towards me, her hair totally wet. I thought she left with Bella? Then she must have left herself, because of me. Because stupid Edward couldn't listen to her.

''Edward! Have you seen Bella? She's not picking up her phone!'' Kathleen exclaimed desperately as she moved her hands hectically. I shook my head.

''I was just going to go after her, when my car keys suddenly dissapeared.'' I growled and searched for them again.

''Why did she leave anyways? She knows she is suppose to take someone with her.'' Kathleen told me with a frustrated sigh.

''I...- err wasn't the nicest to her. Didn't let her talk. I read her letter when she was already gone.'' I said shamefully and full of regret.

''Oh god Eddie boy really? You do know that's going to make her super depressive. She already barely eats and speaks and now the one who she still loves rejected her. I mean I don't blame you for being mad, but couldn't you have listened to her?'' Kathleen murmured.

''Guees men can get over emotional too. Can we, I don't know talk while we search for her? I'm really getting a bad feeling that something is wrong.'' I said nervously. I felt the rain mixed with my sweat prickling down my entire body.

''Same here. Uhm but how are we getting there again? Bella took the car.'' Kathleen informed me and I muttered some curse words.

''I'll take you.'' Jacob said, coming from behind me. Kathleen's face immediately lit up as she saw Jacob. He walked past me over to her, took her hand in his and gave her a quick kiss. At least their going to have their happily ever after.

''Kat, do you know where she might have went?'' I asked her as we walked to Jake's car. Both of them got in the front and I was in the back.

''She's probably visiting Valerie. You know how she wanted to make up with me, you and your daughter?'' Kathleen answered as she glanced back to me.

Another thing I've been trying to get into my head. The fact that I had a daughter. With Bella. I mean I know we had sex for the first time when she left, but I never thought she'd get pregnant. It was only one time after all, but I was foolish to think that. If I had only known. I was quite surprised when Bella told me of our daughter in the letter and that she's in foster system. I do not know my daughter yet, but there is no way I'm going to let my child suffer in foster system. I know how bad children have it there.

''Yes she told me of her in the letter. I can't believe I have a daughter. An hour ago I was a typical teenager, now I'm a father who is desperately trying to find his ex-girlfriend that is dying.'' I whispered at the end. It took all of me to maintain a cool face and not break down into tears.

''Yeah life sucks, but we can't change that. Are you going to adopt Valerie? She still hasn't been adopted and if you're not doing it, I definitely will. Though I thought I'd ask you since you are her father and Bella wanted you to have her.'' Kathleen told me.

''Yes of course I will.''

The ride to the Orphanage felt like a life time. Every second was innerly tearing me apart and I was anxiously shifting in my seat. I'd never forget myself I something happened to Bella now. It is my fault she left. She wouldn't have left otherwise, or at least someone could have accompanied her. I can't believe I was this cruel to her.

We finally arrived at the Orphanage and I saw a woman standing outside with a little girl on her hip. The woman looked shocked and stared into nothing and the little girl was crying heavenly in her arms. We immediately stopped and jumped out of the car. Kathleen rushed to the crying girl and took her out of the woman's arms.

''I have a feeling Bella was here.'' Jake murmured.

''Bella.'' The woman said, still in shock.

''Yes Bella. Have you seen her? Was she here?'' I asked her as I tried to bring her back to reality. The poor women seemed like she just witnessed a crime.

''She was here to see Valerie a-nd th-en suddenly she fell onto the ground. We tried to talk to her, but she was unconscious. Mrs. Layton then called the ambulance and said she was close to death, so they rushed her to the hopsital.'' The woman said painfully slowly.

''What?!'' Kathleen, Jacob and I shouted at the same time. I saw how Kathleen nearly dropped Valerie, before moving her a little higher again. And I, well I couldn't believe what she just said.

''Kat we need to go now. Take Valerie.'' I ordered her and ran back to the car. Jacob soon followed me.

''We can't just take her, Edward!'' Kathleen shouted.

''Yes we can, I'm her father so now take her. I don't care if I get in trouble later on, I do no want to worry about her too. So now take her or I'm going to do it myself.'' I slightly growled. My whole body was tensed up.

The woman nodded to Kathleen and so she ran back to us with Valerie. I took her and cuddled her in my arms. She wasn't crying anymore, but she was quiet. I just pulled her really close to me, to get some kind of comfort. I felt her warm breath on my shirt and soon my baby girl fell asleep on me. I gave her a soft kiss on her head. I had a daughter, a beautiful little angel.

After five minutes we arrived at the hospital. Meredith and her mother Renee were standing outside, Renee was crying heavenly in her daughters arms and Meredith tried to support her, although she looked pretty devastated herself. I gently shifted Valerie so I could carry her without waking her up and got off the car. Kathleen took Jake's hand and rushed to her family.

''She wants to see you.'' Meredith told me sympathetically, though her voice broke. I nodded and made my way inside. I asked a nurse to Bella's room and they told me I could see her now, since she just woke up.

I entered the room with my daughter and there she was lying on the bed. Extremely pale, all the colour from her face had vanished and she was breathing irregularly. Her heart wasn't beating regularly either. As she heard us coming in, Bella opened her eyes and a small smile came over her face.

''Oh Bella I am so sorry. I should have listend to you in the first place. I'm such an asshole, I'm sorry.''

''It's okay Edward.'' Bella said weakly. ''You came after all.''

''Yes I came, with our daughter.'' I said smiling as I took a glance down at the sleeping baby in my arm.

''She looks so much like you.'' Bella whispered.

''I think she looks more like you.'' I replied witha grin.

''I'm so happy you came Edward. I'm sorry for leaving without telling you.'' Bella barely whispered now. Her eyes were half opened. I walked closer to her, shifted Valerie onto one side so I could take Bella's hand. She was extremely cold.

''It's alright Bella, I forgive you if you forgive me.'' I told her. Bella smiled.

''I was never..'' Bella said, but had to stop to take a deep breath. ''.. mad at you.''

Her breathing got worse and worse and she stared shake. A white liquid came out of her mouth and I pressed the button for the doctors.

''No Bella! Don't leave me, please don't leave me.'' I begged and squeezed her hand tightly. I couldn't stop the tears who were now streaming uncontrolable down my cheeck.

''I- l-l-l ov-e y-ou'' Bella stuttered before closing her eyes. I felt how her hand dropped. The doctors rushed into the room, but it was already too late.

Her heart wasn't beating anymore.

* * *

Exactly a week has passed since Bella passed away. The love of my life wasn't living anymore and I still couldn't believe it. My heart was screaming she isn't dead, it's telling me how she's still alive, but my mind is telling me the opposite. I know she left the world. I wasn't able to talk after her death, which was seven days ago. I wasn't able to drink or eat anything, the only thing that kept me alive was our daughter. Without her I probably would have commited suicide. I didn't want to live in a world completely without Bella. Now I had a part of her.

Today would be the day of her funeral and I had mixed feelings. On one hand I was glad she would finally find her peace, but at the same time I didn't know if I'd be able to be there without having an emotional breakdown.

''It's time Edward. Come on.'' Meredith informed me from the door. She was dressed all in black, just like the rest of us.

We decided to burry her in the Swan's garden, so her family could visit her whenever they wanted. I on the other hand was either way going to move here, or stay in Forks. I haven't decided yet. It was going to be a small funeral, with all her friends and family members and mine. All the people she loved the most.

My mother agreed to look out after Valerie and Meredith's son Xander while we were going to say our last goodbyes to Bella. I made my way outside to the huge garden and walked over to the crowd. And then I saw it.

Her coffin. She was lying inside there. Dead.

I had to stop as soon as I saw it. It was decorated with a lot of white and green flowers and behind her coffin was her grave and gravestone. I took in deep breaths and didn't care as the people stared at me. I guess they stared at me, because I was the only one who wasn't crying. I couldn't cry. I've cried too much these past few days and as strange as it sounds, I guess I had no tears left. The priest began with the funeral. After that a few people held speeches, but I refused. I wanted to talk to Bella myself when everyone left. We all said our goodbyes and they finally burried her. After a while everyone finally left and there I stood in front of her grave.

''So I will talk to you now, because I never got the chance to. You will listen to me right?'' I asked.

''Honestly I'm going to keep it short, because that's always how our relationship was. We didn't talk about every minor thought or concern of ours, because we already knew it. We knew what the other one was feeling as if we were one. No, we were one. I can't thank god and your parents enough for creating such a wonderful human. You've always brought joy and happiness to everyone and then you, from all the people ,you had to get cancer.'' I said and stopped to wipe away a tear.

''I could rant here, complaining how cruel and unfair it is that you had to get cancer. But I won't. Because we already know that. Some would have completely lost their minds, but you stayed strong for the people you loved. Even after you knew you were dying, you tried to keep the ones you love safe. ''

''And I couldn't keep you safe. But now I will try and keep our daughter safe and happy just like you would have done it. Isabella Marie Swan, you were the best thing that has happened in my life. I will never forget you and I will forever love you.''

I couldn't stop looking at her gravestone.

_**Isabella Marie Swan**_

_**September 13th 1987- October 8th 2004**_

_**Beloved Daughter, Sister and Mother**_

_**You will never be forgotten. **_

_**Always and Forever **_

She was dead and lying under us. Or maybe she already travelled to heaven and is looking upon us. Yes, she's watching us. That's what Bella would do. Care and look out for the ones she loves. She will never be forgotten by anybody. I'll make sure of it.

''Always and Forever'' I said one last time.

* * *

**There you have it. Such an emotinal chapter for me, sorry for anyone who hoped she'd survive. That's how I always wanted the story to end. Honestly I can't even imagine it and I'm here sitting on my bed and tearing up. Anyways before I start ranting I better stop. **


End file.
